Come Alive 2019


Existing and living are not synonymous, even though Roget’s Thesaurus may say so. Existing is a condition where we breathe, take up space, and watch life pass us by. Living, really living, is a choice, an intention. Being fully alive and present is a noble pursuit in a world filled with a sea of people and endless mind-numbing distractions. It’s also a feeling of being in a wide open space with potential and possibilities down every pathway. It’s joy and peace and hope and love. Why would anyone not desire to be fully alive? Here are the top excuses I hear as a coach.

1. Fear. Fear is a strong emotion, one of the 2 strongest, in fact. It’s right up there with anger and can is experienced in every sphere of our body, mind, and soul. Fear can paralyze or propel. Fear wins when we allow ourselves to be boxed in and wrapped in bubble wrap so we never feel pain. Fear tells us that we might as well not try, because nothing will ever change. How has fear kept you from fully living?

2. Shame. You may have heard the difference between guilt and shame, but it bears repeating. Guilt tells me that I’ve done something outside of my values, or that I have acted badly. Shame shouts at me that I am bad. I am my behavior, my addiction, my mistakes, my flaws, my weaknesses. Shame tells us we don’t deserve to be fully alive. How has shame lied to you?

3. Safety. Change rocks the boat. We are familiar even friendly with life as it is. We have identified with our sicknesses and mental health issues. We don’t trust, and certainly will not be vulnerable with our story. We have an innate desire to feel secure. However, deep down under that weighted blanket of false security lies an adventurous spirit dying to get out and explore and take risks. I was recently reintroduced to my value of adventure through a values exercise in a coaching session. When it was time to go to a movie, or go ANYWHERE, I chose to stay home. It was safer. I felt secure. It was known and familiar. When I started to explore my value of adventure, I started living again. I started my coaching and Master’s education and founded a non-profit, and put myself in social situations that were uncomfortable. I started leading worship again, and teaching, and putting myself out there with what I desire to offer people. What has your desire for safety robbed you of in your life?

What one of these three excuses for not fully living resonates most with you?

I would love to work with you on coming ALIVE in 2019. I am offering a self-paced 6-week online program that will dive into your life relationally, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and financially. You can register at at the “Schedule an Appointment” tab. Let’s choose to come alive this year and for years to come!

Don’t just exist. LIVE!

Why should I join a Coaching Group?

Coaching groups are one of the fundamental aspects of how I coach people and families. When clients ask me why I believe recovery coaching groups are so essential and powerful, I list a few reasons for them after I ask them to answer the question first, in true coaching form.

backlit dawn foggy friendship

Photo by Helena Lopes on

Here’s what clients have said:

  1. “I found my people–people who get me and that I can relate to.”
  2. “Listening to others share their stories has given me courage to keep going in my own recovery.”
  3. “It’s fun and safe!”
  4. “This is SUPER affordable compared to therapy or a private counselor or coach and you get so much out of it!”
  5. “There is a specific end date so I don’t have to be the one that decides when I’m done. If I want to join another group, I always can, and meet more people, too.”
  6. “When I heard others share their hurts and shame, it helped me to open up finally.”

These are all FABULOUS reasons. Here’s one I like to add: Because you know you need to and want to deep down even though it’s scary at first. That is exactly how I felt before I went to my first recovery group to talk about my husband’s sexual addiction. I didn’t want to tell anyone about my story. I was ashamed of it. I was broken. Crushed. And I was judgmental about “THOSE PEOPLE” that go to recovery groups in church basements. If I wasn’t in so much pain, I would have never gone to the first group. However, I was in pain, IMMENSE pain, and willing to try just about anything to try to feel normal and sane again.

Imagine my shock when I walked in and everyone had higher degrees and salaries then me! Now I have to be careful to not stereotype people at all. The point I’m trying to make is “those people” that go to recovery groups are people who are want to grow and heal and process and recover. The first group meeting I was in changed my mindset forever about what a recovery group looks like and if it’s helpful. I left that meeting that day not feeling like an outsider in my own body; not feeling like the only person in the world whose husband betrayed her; not wanting to throw in the towel, but actually start to recover. One day at a time. One moment at a time. Left foot, right foot, making the next right decision.

The first group session is the hardest one to attend, but if you decide to show up, the rewards are immense and the people are precious. Now that I am a family recovery coach and can coach groups myself, I have come full circle to share the grace of a recovery group with others. God’s grace has not gone to waste in my life, and it doesn’t have to go to waste in yours, either.

I hope you will consider taking that step, sending that email, registering for that group, calling that friend, showing up for your life–left foot, right foot.

Grace on grace,